Ironic
by f U n N i E b O n E s 2K
Summary: Final Chapter Now Up! / Chapter VII! 1xR, 4xDC // "I never asked to be your life, I just wanted to be a part of it somehow."
1. Blame

A/N: Err I really did try to make this a one-shot! The next chapter will come out in a couple of days…

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Ironic 

"Ironic." He muttered dryly into thin air. He placed his hand on the cold glass that separated him from being with her. He wanted to pound his fist and break through it. And he didn't give a damn about the consequences...

"It's all your fault…" He thought to himself.

Heero remembered how he stalked away after their argument. He was explaining to Relena how Colonel Rodriguez had no interest whatsoever in her, and he only intended to make her a stepping stone to strengthen his fame and power.

_"He doesn't care for you…don't you understand?" He supported his weight on both of his hands on her desk, looking straight at her eyes._

_"It is you who can't understand! You never knew how to show affections! How are you supposed to know if he cares for me or not when you can't even feel?" She replied angrily at him, as she scribbled her signature irritably on a piece of paper and stacked it on the heap of papers on her right hand corner._

_He flinched at her reply. His mouth suddenly wry. _

_"See, now you don't know what to say! You know what? You were better off mute anyway, that mouth never did any good for you!" She replied cruelly, finally fed up being confused. One day he said he felt nothing for her, and the minute she starts talking to someone of the opposite sex, he looks at them like prey._

_"We can't go on playing this sick game anymore. I'm not fifteen and neither are you! I can't go on being alone like this…I'm not even going after you…not anymore…not after you hurt me like you did…" She tried to stifle the sobs that were escaping from her mouth, covering her hand with it. He attempted to cover her other hand with his, wanting to tell her the truth. He asked himself why it was too difficult for him._

_"No, don't…" She moved her hand away, just as he was about to grasp it. She stood up from her desk, walking to the window to look at the beautiful weather outside which was contrary to the feelings that were welled up inside. She could feel tears cloud her vision, and wiped the first one away resentfully. She turned away from him, wishing he would just leave…disappear into thin air…_

_She felt his hands turn her around to bring her into his embrace, and she felt like giving in…It just seemed too easy…_

_She pushed him away with all of her might. "I said don't…don't you dare touch me!" She yelled back at him, suddenly just breaking down and falling on the floor._

_"Can't you see? I don't love you anymore, Heero, I just don't…" She looked up to him, seeing the hurt in his eyes. She didn't want to hurt him like that, but it was the only way._

_"…Maybe it wasn't even love I felt for you then…I was fifteen, and stupid…we're all stupid when we're fifteen aren't we?" She smiled bitterly at him, giving him the treatment he gave to her. _

_He felt himself break into a million pieces. _

_"You mean…what we had meant nothing?" His eyes empty, and his replies understated, he began to realize that he should have told her then, when they still had a future together._

That future seemed like shattered glass now, and he felt as if he shattered it himself.

_"What we had is considered as **nothing…I don't treasure nothingness, Heero…" She began to stand up, and she walked back steadily to her desk.**_

_"Now, Heero, if our little conversation is over, I still have important things to do…you don't mind do you?" She motioned over to the stack of papers that she dealt with earlier._

_He grabbed her wrist roughly, jerking her to him. _

_"…You can't do this to me Relena…"_

_"Oh? Watch me." She countered, her eyes challenging him._

_He took one last glance at her, released her, he turned around, walked to her door, and slammed it shut._

Heero felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned around to meet Dorothy Catalonia's poisonous glare.

"What happened?" Dorothy asked, her eyes looking into his ominously.

"She overdosed on sleeping pills…" 

"Is she going to live?" She asked, worried.

"The doctors say there's a chance."

"Yuy, if you were ever the cause of this, I don't give a damn if you're superman or not, I will kill you…" She threatened, her eyes flickering dangerously. He looked at her just as seriously.

"You don't know how much she means to me…I used to hate her then, I wanted everything she had, but after the war, we quickly became friends…she's my confidante, she's like a sister to me…" She placed her hands to cover her eyes, distressed about how her friend would do such a thing.

"You're right, I did this to her…" 

She looked back at him, her expression startled. Her eyes widened crossly at him. She knew it all along.

She could recall their chat two days ago, when she asked Dorothy to come over and help her with some political decisions, as well as her own personal affairs.

_"I don't know what I'm supposed to do with Heero…I'm still in love with him, after all these years…"_

_"That's just it, Relena, no one wants a desperate woman…" Dorothy replied after sipping her tea and placing it down on her teacup._

_Relena only looked at her distantly and she looked as if an idea rang in her mind…_

"What did she tell you?" She demanded.

"Nothing…" 

"I knew you were over at her estate last night…" 

"I told you I didn't do or say anything." Dorothy was beginning to get into his nerves.

"You are a terrible liar, Heero Yuy." 

He ignored what she said, and continued to look at Relena. He noticed how her lips were purple, how her skin was colorless, and how her body seemed limp and lifeless. He saw the tubes that were forcing life into her unconscious body, and compared the woman he was seeing now, to the young girl she was then.

"How was she found Heero?"  She asked anxiously.

He could also remember that young girl had feelings for him then. She was the Relena he knew he wanted. That woman who he is now looking at saw no need to love him anymore.

"I found her…" 

He mused at how ironic it came to be. Just about when he almost thought he could protect her from anything. He intercepted that bomb that was planted in the hotel she was holding a conference in. He has arrested many assassins who have been accused of a conspiracy to kidnap, and execute Relena. He rescued her from nearly drowning in her pool one time. He has saved her so many times…Only to lose her this way.

He even saved her from himself.

But he couldn't save her from herself, and human emotions.

He then told Dorothy about their recent disagreement, and how he found Relena in a motionless heap.

_Heero thanked Pagan for opening the door for him. He was annoyed with himself for forgetting to take his laptop with him when he stalked out of her study earlier that night. He wouldn't know what to say to her, what to do to get his laptop. He should have waited till the next day._

_"I need to retrieve my laptop. I forgot to take my laptop with me when I left."_

_"Miss Relena does not wish to be disturbed, sir." Pagan replied._

_"I only need to get my laptop."_

_Pagan nodded then set off to the direction of the kitchen._

_He walked down the eerie, empty hall calmly, feeling that rather creepy feeling shoot up his spine. It felt like something was wrong, even though the storm has stopped._

_It seemed like forever as he finally reached her study door. If he found her there, he would just come inside, obtain his laptop, and march out of her study, making no such sound, saying no such words._

_He had a terrible ache to barge in there, take her in his arms, and tell her how he felt. _

_The door creaked unusually, for this estate was barely three years old, and the doors were not that old._

_He opened the door, and found that the room was empty. He breathed, relieved._

_His eyes wandered across the room, and spotted his laptop sitting deftly on her glass coffee table._

_What puzzled him was that the windows were wide open, and the strong wind blew the curtains. This might be a risk to her safety._

_He strode to the window to close it, and lock it shut. But something stopped him._

_He saw a feminine arm sprawled under the desk._

_With the reflexes of a soldier, he ran to her side, thinking of the worst._

_"Relena…" He turned her body around, and dragged her out so that he could carry her._

_He spotted an empty bottle of sleeping pills…_

_Frantic, he shifted his hands to support her dead weight a bit better, and hurriedly went out of the room._

_"Pagan!" He yelled out, hauling her limp body with him._

_After a few moments, the old butler scrambled to his side, and gasped as he saw Relena's body._

_"She has overdosed on sleeping pills. Just call the hospital. I'll take her there." He replied, drawing the keys out of his pocket, while trying to carry her with his one arm._

"I nearly got a ticket for over speeding, but I out ran the officer and I lost him somewhere." 

"She still loves you…you know…" She replied sadly.

He deemed she was lying.

"Last night, she told me she didn't love me anymore…she said she never did, she said she was fifteen, and she was stupid…She said we all do crazy things when we're fifteen…"

"And you believed that?" She countered mockingly. She expected him to know her better than that. "Good lord, Heero Yuy, you've been her bodyguard for only God knows how long, and you've been her heroic savior for so many years…for once I thought you knew everything about her…"

He looked at her in surprise. 

"Just between you and me, Heero Yuy, did you ever, or do you still love her?" Dorothy took a seat, placing her purse beside her, knowing this question would be take a hell of a lot of time.

He looked away from Dorothy and switched his gaze to Relena again. He took a deep breath.

"I always have, Dorothy, I always have…You don't know how the seething jealousy rages over me when she gets those marriage proposals…"

"Don't you realize? You should have told her then…she would never have ended up like this…She has kept me happy, comforted me when I needed it, and in return I wanted her to be happy, even if it wasn't you she was with, but her happiness only meant you…" She rose from her seat to look through the glass to see Relena. 

"But what am I doing? Saying things about love…when I've forgotten it so long ago…when my father died, my ability to love and to express love died with him…" She licked her lips nervously, and batted her lashes tensely, struggling to keep the tears from shedding.

Just as when he had something to say, he heard the elevator ring echo through the barren hall. The elevator doors opened, showing a young man who had neat blond hair. He wore a pressed white button down shirt, and relaxed khakis to go with it. His left hand carried a bouquet of white carnations, and his hand was conveniently placed in his pocket. He looked rather troubled, but as he saw his two friends down the hall, the corners of his mouth tugged at the ends a bit. He walked over to them.

Heero saw Dorothy's gaze brighten up, but it had a sad touch to it.

"How is she?" Quatre looked at Relena's form through the glass, noticing that she had no color in her whatsoever.

Heero looked at Dorothy and noticed her slight wince of discomfort as she saw Quatre. Quatre placed the flowers on one of the seats, and went back to look at the glass window.

"Heero?" Quatre tapped his shoulder lightly. Heero turned his head and opened his mouth.

"There's a chance…"

"Let's just hope she pulls through…I came as soon as I heard…" He looked at Heero, and stole a glance at Dorothy. 

"How have you been, Dorothy? I trust things have been going well?" He looked at her bleakly and darkly, expecting an answer.

"I've been doing just as fine…just as fine…And you, Quatre?"

"My corporation has been running well, I've never been better."

 She looked away. 

"Is there any way we can get in there? I can't stand staying out here, looking through a piece of glass." She looked around, trying to see if there were any nurses or doctors she could talk to.

"I threatened to break in, but her condition is just too stable out here…"

"We can't lose her this way…Oh Relena…you mean so much to so many people…"  Dorothy placed her cold fingers adjacent to the glass, biting her lip.

"I can't save her now…Her life is in someone else's hands…" 

"All we can really do is wait…" Quatre declared.

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	2. Unworthy of Second Chances

_Disclaimer: Haaah Samm! Can't sue me noooww! I don't own GW! I can dream though!_

Ironic – Chapter II – Miracles Can Happen

"I don't see how he can peel his sight off of her…he completely blames himself…I don't see how it's his fault…" Quatre said as he pulled a chair for Dorothy at the coffee shop downstairs. She sat down and sipped her coffee, and put her mug down.

"He told me he was the reason why she was miserable to begin with…they quarreled last night, about Colonel Rodriguez, and he told me everything…everything…I don't blame him for it, but I blame myself for it…" She took a deep breath, looking at the coffee mug.

He pulled up a seat, and sat down, startled.

"How is it your fault?"

"I told Relena that no one wants a desperate woman…She must have assumed that she should have been playing hard all along, they fought, she was devastated, and tried to kill herself…" 

"But you never told her to kill herself!" 

"I felt like I was the one who shoved those sleeping pills down her throat, Quatre!"

"And who says she intended to do that on purpose? Don't blame yourself, Dorothy…"

"Why do all of the few things I treasure have to be taken away from me? Why do I ruin things then regret it in the end?"

"Don't say that Dorothy…"

"Now I'm going to lose Relena, like I lost my father, and my mother…the same way I-I…" 

She closed her eyes hard for a moment, and then opened them to look into his eyes.

"…I lost you…" She finished, her eyes bleary. She looked at her coffee mug, and sipped the nearly boiling liquid frightened, unsure of what to say, what to think even.

His eyes widened in surprise. "But I thought you said--…"

"Romafellar didn't approve of our relationship…they said it would ruin my career, and the association with it. Imagine a delegate of Romafellar having a steady relationship with a former gundam pilot…they told me people were already talking…but I didn't give a damn about my career, I couldn't care less about what other people thought…I threatened to resign…" She paused dramatically for a minute.

"But then, they said your life was at risk …I was terrified…" 

"I could perfectly take--…" 

 "I knew you would never believe me if I told you the truth…I knew you wouldn't care about the consequences…so that night you proposed…I made up a story that I never really did love you, and I only used you, then I got bored playing with you," she continued on. 

He was stunned. He didn't know what to say.

"It was the hardest thing I've ever done, Quatre…It took me everything I had to give you up with those little words…Imagine a single statement ruined it all for both of us…I pretended I didn't care when I saw the devastated look on your face…those empty eyes, that shattered look, I will never forget that look for the rest of my life…"

"You did love me after all?" 

She looked away, hesitantly running her hand through her hair. 

_'I'm so in love with him, I can't even see straight," she thought._

 Her eyes refocused on him.

"But you're still alive, Quatre…and happy, and I'm contented with that…that's all that matters…right?" She smiled at him glumly.

"I may be alive…but I'm not happy…"

"It was for the best…There are so many girls out there, they are more suitable for you…you can have your pick…"

He looked profoundly into her eyes and enclosed her cold hand with his warm one.

"What do you say we try again? Forget the past, forget Romafellar," he replied softly, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. Their gazes grew intense, and his face drew nearer to hers and ached to capture her lips in a kiss. She closed her eyes for a moment as he closed the painful gap between them. His grip on her hand tightened, and he rose up to meet her lips. Their lips brushed tenderly, intensifying by the moment. Her lips felt like silk against his, and he could perfectly remember that first kiss they shared, ages upon ages ago. It seemed like forever since. 

She pulled away, slipping her hand off of his, and stood up. "I knew I'd say something stupid, like I love you…"

He got up quickly, and grabbed her wrist. "I told myself I'd never give you another chance again, yet alone love once more…but I find myself making an exception…"

"Forget everything I said, pretend it never happened…pretend we never came here…please…"

"Can't you see? What I felt for you hasn't changed, and you just showed me you felt the same way, and I don't see why you prefer misery…can't you understand your misery is mine too?"

Just as then, Dorothy's phone rang, and she signaled for him to let go of her wrist. He dropped it, looking away. She rummaged in her purse to look for the buzzing phone, and found it, answering.

"Hello?"

"It's Relena, something went wrong."

"What's wrong, Heero?"

"Just get up here."

"Fine. We'll be there," she replied rudely. She looked at his fretful face.

"It's Lena, something's gone wrong," She said, stuffing her phone into her purse.

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Dorothy and Quatre nearly stumbled out into the hallway, with worried looks on their faces.

"What happened, Heero?" Dorothy placed a hand on his shoulder. 

"I saw her body convulsing violently, I called the nurse from her post, once the doctors came in, I asked to get in, but they wouldn't let me…" Heero replied, looking fixedly through the glass, and the situation she was in. He watched the doctor and the nurses looking vexed. A nurse noticed all three of them staring inside and walked over to cover the window with white curtains. 

Dorothy started worrying helplessly, removing her hand off of Heero's shoulder, turning around and falling into Quatre's arms.

"She's going to be fine…these medical employees are the best in the world…" He stroked her hair gently, savoring how it felt to touch her once more.

Heero pounded his fist on the wall, and Quatre feared that he would break it.

She pulled away from him, looking at him dully, remembering that she shouldn't go crying in his arms again like a baby.

Quatre's phone rang unexpectedly, and he turned it on, walking away to the dark corner to receive his call. Dorothy looked at his retreating figure, vaguely remembering how he stalked away like that, after she dropped him like a hot potato. Her focus shifted back to Heero.

"Tell her," she said.

"I've caused her enough pain, Dorothy," he snapped, exasperated.

"It's what you didn't do that caused her pain," she bit back.

"But who are you to tell me all of this, when you can't even tell Winner the truth?" 

"I just did…not all of it though," She replied quietly, running her hand uncomfortably down her hair.

He looked away, and swallowed uneasily. "I don't deserve her…" 

"Let's have a deal…"

"I can't do a deal at a time like this!" His head snapped back to gape at her.

"You tell her the whole truth, and I'll tell him the whole truth…we will give them the truth they both deserve to know."

"I don't know what the truth is anymore…"

The door opened painfully slow, an elderly nurse coming out and closing the door behind her.

Heero ran a hand through his mass of unruly hair. "How is she?" He asked, anxious.

"She's stable, for the moment, she will be in good health…"

"Let me go see her." It sounded more of a demand rather than a request.

 "I'm sorry, sir. Her condition is far too delicate."

"But you said she's in good health!"

"I'm sorry, sir." The nurse looked uneasily at him, and walked away quickly.

"Damn it all!" He stifled out, pounding his fast even harder on the wall.

"Calm down, Heero, please." Dorothy spoke gently, trying to prevent any commotion Heero could do.

Heero only glared at Dorothy in reply.

"She wouldn't want you to act this way…stay quiet, and wait…for her sake..." She told him, even though his features remained angry and impatient.

Just as then, a doctor emerged from the room, carrying a clipboard, and recording something. 

He glanced at Heero. "Ah, there you are."

"Miss Peacecraft's condition has progressed. We thought something was wrong, and we seemed to have lost her, but a miracle of some sort happened, I don't know how, I don't know why, but she's well now, and that's all that matters…" He smiled and patted Heero on the shoulder, and walked away.

"May I see her?" 

"Why not?" He smiled at him, and turned around, walking away.

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He entered the eerie hospital room, seeing a nurse tucking Relena in with the covers, he glared at her, and that was enough for the nurse to scuttle out of her room.

He heard the door close as the nurse rushed out of the room, but didn't focus on it much because he looked at Relena.

 He noticed her unhealthy physical appearance, but he saw some improvement in her state. She was no longer unconscious, but she needed some sleep.

He sat by her bedside running the back of his dry hand down her cold, pale face, caressing it sensitively.

"I thought I would never be able to say this to anyone…ever…but," He started.

"You were right, I didn't know how to feel…until you came along and showed me…" He took a long, deep breath.

"And those times when you accused me I was jealous…and I just grunted back in reply…I was, I really was, I was just this arrogant bastard who was too conceited to look at the truth…" A hushed chuckle came out of his mouth.

"But what I admire the most out of you were not scared to let me know how you feel, and I--…"

"I love you, for everything that you are, and everything that you will be…I know I am unworthy of that chance to prove it to you, but I'd sure want to try this time…" 

He knew what he said was enough. It was a good start. He would gather the strength he needed to say it for her to actually hear.

He kissed her forehead, and took her hand, grasping it, promising never to let go.

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Quatre walked back to the hall, his hand on his pocket. As Dorothy saw him, she smiled faintly then looked back on the floor.

"Where's Heero?"

"The doctor finally let him in…I decided I would talk to her later…"

"I suppose you're right," he replied, insecure.

"Yeah," she answered, just as shaky.

"About our talk a while ago…" She started hesitantly, trying to prevent that peculiar silence between them.

"Must we talk about it?" He squirmed touchily.

"You have the right to know the truth…" 

"But I don't know whether I should believe you or not because apparently those "truths" you've been telling me, have no actual truth to them!"

"You don't understand how difficult it is--…"

"I know you, Dorothy. You're manipulative and you could do whatever you want in three easy steps."

She was left speechless. She realized how much she has hurt him, and how that distress made him change the way he thought of her.

"I don't want to be the fool anymore, Dorothy," he added, frustrated.

"I don't care if you no longer want to see me again, just please listen to whatever I wish to say."

"If you've always lied to me then, why should I bother listening now?"

"Please…" She asked pleadingly.

He huffed impatiently, giving up. "All right then."

"I know that I'm a scheming, manipulative…bitch, I could do whatever I want, whenever I want, and I always ask for something in return…But you changed everything…You taught me kindness was something that did exist in the world, and that one can love another unconditionally, and it has changed everything," she then hesitated.

"I always was in love with you, and I always will be, no association, or person can change that," she finished.

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	3. Quirk Of Fate

_Disclaimer: Can't sue me Samm! I don't own it! I don't own it I say! Samm you can't have those paper dolls now! Bwhahahah!_

Ironic Chapter III – Quirk Of Fate

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Relena's eyes fluttered open, the sunlight nearly blinding her as its warm rays beamed upon her. A jolt of weakness and pain racked through her body, and she found it hard to even lift a finger. She tried raising her hand up, but she felt a strong, warm…something tugging it.

She tried jerking it off of her again, and tried getting up. Then her heart nearly jumped for joy as she saw _her soldier sleeping by her bedside, faithfully never letting go of her hand._

She looked around, and saw the tubes and large machines surrounding her bed.

"Did I overdose on those pills? But how? I only took…one dose…or two…maybe three…I really can't remember," she thought abstractedly.

The memories of the previous night came flying back to her.

_"Can't you see? I don't love you anymore, Heero, I just don't…" She looked up to him, seeing the hurt in his eyes. She didn't want to hurt him like that, but it was the only way._

_It was too late when she realized she was inflicting pain upon herself…_

_"…Maybe it wasn't even love I felt for you then…I was fifteen, and stupid…we're all stupid when we're fifteen aren't we?" She smiled bitterly at him, giving him the treatment he gave to her._

"Oh God…what have I done?"

_A few minutes after Heero left, she sat on her seat, carrying her head on her hands, crying quietly. __She attempted to dry the tears and stifle the cries, but nothing could stop that._

_…Except him…_

_She suddenly remembered the Colonel's surprising but sincere marriage proposal a few days ago. She hasn't told anyone about it, and especially wouldn't mention anything to Heero. He was furious about the Colonel's interest in her already._

_"I…told him it was my diplomatic duty to marry…and he was a rather suitable match…"_

_"I don't know what to do…what to do," she said out aloud, picking up a soft tissue from her tissue box._

_'This is upsetting me…I think…I'll think about it tomorrow…" She wiped her tears away with the tissue, and pulled the right hand drawer open._

_She reached for the sleeping pills._

"Relena…" His voice broke her out of her reverie.

"Heero…" She tugged at her hand once more, motioning for him to let it go. He had this rather reluctant look on his face that she could not read, for it was too vague to distinguish. He let go of her hand a few seconds later.

"Why did you do it?"

"Do what?" She asked, almost abruptly.

"Try to kill yourself."

"I did not try to kill myself!"

"Then…what are you doing here?" He demanded.

She looked away. "I don't know."

"Tell me the truth."

Her gaze lowered down on the sheets, remaining distant. He quickly grabbed her hand again, causing her to face him.

"I must have overdosed. Accidentally…"

"That's not the whole story."

"I did not commit a crime! Why are you interrogating me like I'm a crook?" She retorted, feeling weak, and extremely exhausted.

His eyes softened. "I'm only concerned with what happened last night. Please…"

Her eyes closed for a minute, opening a few moments later. He deserved to know.

"A few days ago, Colonel Rodriguez offered a marriage proposal…I felt it was rude to decline, and imprudent to consent, I just told him our marriage would do good for both of our careers…"

Jealousy was evident in his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Her jaw clenched.

"Why would I?"

He took a deep breath. He promised himself he would try to remain as patient as possible. "Never mind that… Go on."

"Our fight last night upset me…I thought I could deal with it the next day, so I reached for the sleeping pills. I saw your laptop and figured you would be back to pick it up…I didn't want to deal with you or anyone… I wanted to sleep, shut my problems away, even for just one night. A few minutes later, I never felt any effect…I kept on taking them, and took two doses…I can't remember what happened from that point on."

"But why did you take them?"

"I was exasperated…and confused, Heero."

"You didn't have to talk to me."

"I knew you wouldn't talk…I just didn't know how to deal with you, hell even look at you and…Those eyes…"

He felt this aching pain tighten in his chest.

"Did you mean what you said to me?"

"What did I say?"

"That you didn't love me anymore, or not even at all."

Her eyebrows wrinkled even more. "Why do we always have to go back on this?"

"Because…I have to know..."

"You have to know? You have to know?" She took a deep breath in disbelief.

"You have deprived me of what I needed to know…one time you're cold and distant, the next time you're begging me to decline those marriage proposals! And yet…you've never told me why you've acted that way…" She retorted angrily.

"You don't understand…"

"Here we go with the not understanding part again…if you wish to proceed with that, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to ask you to leave my room…" She buried her head in her cold hands.

"What you don't understand is that…" He started, as she removed her head from her hands and glared at him.

"I have feelings for you…expressing this is by far the biggest obstacle I've ever had to overcome…"

His words brought her to tears, but it caused her to smile faintly as well.

"Are you sure you mean that?"

"Let me rephrase that."

Her smile diminished. She expected him to tell her he was only joking.

"I love you, Relena Peacecraft."

He placed his hand on the side of her face and gingerly guided it to meet his lips. Their noses touched, and they suddenly felt like inexperienced teenagers who haven't been kissed. Their lips finally met, and started out tender, but deepened as it grew longer. He hoped for it to be the first of many.

When they parted, her smile was restored, and if possible, brightened much more.

"I simply…don't know what to say…"

"Just tell me…did you mean what you said?"

She buried her face on the crook of his neck, and instantly coiled her arms around it.

"I didn't mean to hurt you…I just figured…that maybe if I wasn't so desperate, then you would want me…"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, before resuming what she wished to say.

"You know I love you so…"

He put his arm on her lower back, squeezing the side of her slender waist gently.

"Say it again," he whispered dreamily in her sweet-smelling hair.

"You know I love you so," she repeated again, eager to say it again if he wished.

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Quatre awoke tiredly, feeling something that was wrapped around his arm. He tilted his head down to see the occupant of the adjacent chair that was leaning on his shoulder.

_'Last night didn't last forever…'_

His mind soared back to yesterday night's events…

_"About our talk a while ago…" She started hesitantly, trying to prevent that peculiar silence between them._

_"Must we talk about it?" He squirmed touchily._

_"You have the right to know the truth…"_

_"But I don't know whether I should believe you or not because apparently those "truths" you've been telling me, have no actual truth to them!"_

_"You don't understand how difficult it is--…"_

_"I know you, Dorothy. You're manipulative and you could do whatever you want in three easy steps."_

_She was left speechless. She realized how much she has hurt him, and how that distress made him change the way he thought of her._

_"I don't want to be the fool anymore, Dorothy," he added, frustrated._

_"I don't care if you no longer want to see me again, just please listen to whatever I wish to say."_

_"If you've always lied to me then, why should I bother listening now?"_

_"Please…" She asked pleadingly._

_He huffed impatiently, giving up. "All right then."_

_"I know that I'm a scheming, manipulative…bitch, I could do whatever I want, whenever I want, and I always ask for something in return…But you changed everything…You taught me kindness was something that did exist in the world, and that one can love another unconditionally, and it has changed everything," she then hesitated._

_"I always was in love with you, and I always will be, no association, or person can change that," she finished._

_He grinned, taking a few steps closer to her. "That's all I needed to know…"_

_"Now tell me, what will happen to us now?" She asked naively, wondering why he was grinning, and in such a way she remembered how he smiled boyishly like that a long time ago._

_"I guess…we should…kiss and make up?"_

_She smirked deviously._

_"Good idea."_

_She moved first, entrancing her lips to his wanting to savor the feel of it once more. She kissed him feverishly, locking her arms around his neck, and he responded by putting his arms around her, reacting willingly._

_She pulled back teasingly, and he gave her a worried look._

_"I've forgotten to ask for your forgiveness," she said, boring holes into his eyes._

_"Forgiven…and forgotten if only you promise to let me…" He trailed off._

_"Let you what?" _

_"Let me take care of you for the rest of your life…I still have that ring you know…" _

_She pulled her right hand away from his neck to trace his features with her finger. "I thought you threatened to throw a diamond ring into the ocean?" _

_"I couldn't do it…I just hoping that maybe someday you would knock on my door and profess your undying love to me…" He chuckled._

_"Ah…wishful thinking…" She replied, smiling with him.   _

_"I'm really sorry you know…I truly am…I never did expect you to forgive me so easily…not after I hurt you terribly," she spoke sincerely, pushing his hair away from his face._

_"I didn't either…"_

_"You must excuse my inability to tell the truth…and my incapability of expressing love so easily…"_

_"I completely understand…honestly I do…" _

_ "I nearly wanted to kill myself when I realized I had to set out into the world without you…You see, Quatre…I'm so in love with you…I can't even see straight…it feels like a dream…tell me it isn't…"_

_"Of course it isn't a dream…I will always be here, dream or not…Like I said…I'm willing to move on…and forget the past…the war has rid you of everything…and I can't let you lose what you have left…you can't just let any remnant of war, and your grandfather's association take that away from you…you have your own life to live…"  _

_"Of all women in the world…why did you have to fall in love with such a thorny woman, Quatre? She has lied…and stabbed you once before…and questioned your ideals…" _

_"Every rose has its thorns, Dorothy…and of all the roses in the world, I guess I picked the thorniest, but I love her anyway…" Her lips began to quiver slightly, and her eyes became terribly hazy._

_He picked up her left hand that remained around his neck and proceeded to look at the ring finger. He ran his thumb across it and left it on her ring finger._

_"Now let's see…something's missing…"_

_"It's too soon…we can't just pick up from where we left…It's been so long…it has been too painful…"_

_"So much time has been taken away…I don't want to wait around any longer…" _

_"Are you sure you're still in love with me? Didn't you have any others?" She asked him, pulling away her left hand hesitantly._

_"No, there were none…"_

_"You were my first, Quatre…and…my only…"_

_ He grinned in triumph…nothing sounded more relieving…all these years he expected a marriage announcement of Dorothy Catalonia to some pompous noble or diplomat. _

_"My sisters have set me up on dates…a hell of a lot of them…I just found myself measuring them up to you…"_

_"It's so hard to fall for someone when your heart was already taken by someone else…"_

_"Yes, that's true…" _

_She enclosed his waist with her long arms and rested her cheek on his shoulder, rocking her body sideways in an almost lulled state. He responded by enveloping her into his embrace._

_"What are you thinking about?" He asked, noticing her detached condition._

_"Just what will happen to us from this point on?" She responded quietly, still not looking at him._

_"We'll just have to wait and see, I guess…"_

_"What will your family say…what harm it would do to my profession?"_

_"Only time can tell, Dorothy…"_

_"Now I'm afraid we're being too selfish…I'm being too selfish…"_

_He took a hand away from her body, and moved it to her chin, raising it up to meet his face._

_"You were once that selfish girl, Dorothy…you're too selfish to give happiness… and us a chance," he whispered hoarsely, taking his hand away and putting it around her body again._

_"But I do want it…I want us to regain the happiness I threw away carelessly…I just want to be rational and think of the consequences that could happen…"_

_"The hell with everything," he muttered._

_"No matter what happens, I'm satisfied with what we had tonight…"_

_"I just wish tonight would last forever…" He closed his eyes, touching her forehead with his, pressing his body against hers. _

_"If irony betrays us, we will have to let it be…we shall part away with no hard feelings, and set out to the paths we are destined to take…separately…and let it go…" she accented on the word separately, as if she knew it was going to happen already. Only she knew she wished irony never existed. _

_…But it did…and it still does…_

_He pulled back away and opened his eyes, terrified of what she just said, trying to meet her gaze._

_"You will remember me…and the love I feel for you, Dorothy…promise me that…" _

_She ran the back of her fingers down his face. "Of course I will…of course… you know that I will never forget…and I will never forget what I feel and what I always will feel for you…" _

_"If only circumstances were different…"_

_"We have to hold on what we have while we still have it…hold me…just for tonight," she said tiredly. _

_She wrapped her arm around him again and leaned against his chest, closing her eyes and yawning softly. He felt her slanted weight and moved both of them on the waiting benches on the hall of the hospital. He promised himself he would admire and watch over her that night, but he felt his eyelids tug down on him heavily…_

Last night seemed so much like a dream…a satisfying…yet melancholic dream…

Everything was admitted…only to be taken away…

It seemed so much like a final goodbye…

…Still, he can't let it all go…

He sat still, and took her cold hand. He looked at her keenly, musing at how harmless she looked while sleeping…but ironically, her harmless, sleeping form was so much like a dormant creature, hibernating. When the being was awake, it was something utterly different. She was crude, conceited, and haughty. 

He himself new that.

 Even though the conceit was only skin deep. 

The feelings within were much different…only he could understand that…

She saw no reason to hide anything from him. 

_'How can you expect me to let it all go Dorothy?' He thought sadly, wishing conditions weren't so difficult._

"But what you understand…is that I never let go…and because of that I never can," he uttered, squeezing her hand tightly.  

----------------

-

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	4. Paradox

_Disclaimer: Hindi nga akin!!! Nakakainis na ito parating dapat ulit-ulitin!!! Ano ba yan?_

A/N: Finally I can upload! Life was very sucky and hectic, and still is for the time being! So I'm so, so sorry!

Call me an eccentric, but Quatre and Dorothy remind me of Arnold and Helga! Heheh!

----------------

Ironic Chapter IV - Paradox

"What kind of suitor is Colonel Rodriguez? Some lazy bum who can't even drop by the hospital to see you…" Heero muttered to her as she turned off the connection from the Colonel's phone. He took the videophone and stretched to place it on the table adjacent to her bed. He sat by her bedside, their emotional embrace broken by a phone call from the Colonel.

"Like hell you would let him in anyway…" She rolled her eyes.

"Would you marry him?" His head leaned closer to lock his eyes into hers.

"Now just what kind of question is _that?"_

"Would you marry the guy if I never existed?" he repeated, persistently.

"You know as well as I do that we're barely friends…and that's not the issue right now…you do exist and it's not him I have intense feelings for…" She sighed.

He enveloped her once again in his embrace, closing his eyes and stroking her hair, overwhelmed at how she openly said that to him, finding it difficult to believe it was actually happening. It seemed like shattered glass two nights ago. She was at shock at first, at how stirring that morning has been, and his sudden display of affections, but responded by leaning against him, finding her dream had come true. If only she could stay in that moment forever…

 The emotions they felt while in the embrace are too ineffable that no words can explain the complex details of emotions they were feeling. 

Too much came all at once.

"We've lost so much time…I can't believe it took us this long to get it all out…well…it took you this long to at least admit it," she murmured in his ear.

"It pains me to know that there are other men after you…"

"But you never knew how much it pained me too…wishing those all came from you…"

"I was a coward…a selfish, laughable fool…" 

Upon his words, she pulled back to look at his face, she found one of his warm hands in her waist and held it against her cheek.

"None of those men gallantly went out of their way to save me…none of them really knew me, never really loved me, at least not for what I really am…come to think of it, no matter how much time we've lost, right now it doesn't seem to matter anymore…"

"But what will happen to both of us now? We can't just have a relationship and prevent it from being public…and it will become public sooner or later…how is it going to change everything?" He rubbed her cheek deftly.

"We're lost time hiding…from each other…from our real emotions…that almost ruined everything, and we can't do the same mistake twice…I'm not ashamed of you, of me, of us…not after withholding so much for so long and being torn apart by it…"

"I'll make it up to you…I promise…I'll never--…" 

"About…those words I said to you that night…"

"They mean nothing now…you said so yourself a while ago that you never meant to hurt me…"

"I never meant to say them…the stupid fool I was…saying them when in my heart I completely knew that I was spoiling our already tattered situation…"

"Honestly, they did hurt me, but it never lives up to how much I hurt you…denying you of the truth you deserved…depriving you of the love I really did feel inside…of the love you so wanted…"

Touched by what he said, and the pure honesty of it, she dipped her face against his, touching both of their noses together. 

"I know it's difficult to forget the pain…but knowing this time we'll be together…it's not so hard anymore," she whispered.

Nothing more was said. 

Their lips met, leaving the whole world behind as their lips came into contact. She wrapped her arms around him, and let his tongue swivel in her mouth. He uncontrollably found his hands roaming around her body, unable to resist the overflowing of pent up desires and emotions in him. His hand went to cup her breast gently, and somehow he felt he was going too far. She was still weak after all from the overdose, but it was just too hard to stop, especially with her not trying to stop him at all. 

He's never been that close to the flame before.

"We…we should stop--now…" he spoke in her mouth, his voice husky with desire.

She moaned in protest, but the two sprang apart upon the sudden knock on the door.

The door opened, and a rather elderly doctor peered in the door and smiled. He went in and closed the door behind him and took a glance at his clipboard.

"Ah, yes, Miss Peacecraft. How are you feeling?"

"Well, a little exhausted…and a bit hungry…but apart from all of that, I feel fine," she replied breathlessly, watching Heero embarrassedly stand up and focus his attention on the window outside. 

"Good, good. With everything alright, I will be able to let you check-out by tonight."

  "That's wonderful, doctor. Thank you," she said as she smiled tiredly.

"Have lots of water, eat as much as you want, and next time, I trust that this young man will prevent you from accidentally taking too much pills," he grinned, as Heero turned over to glance at him. She blushed and nodded at the doctor's orders. 

"If that's all, Miss Peacecraft, I'll leave now. Do you have any questions?" 

"Well, as a matter of fact, no. Thank you very much, doctor," she extended her arm to shake his hand. 

He shook her hand, and he went to the door.

"Take care, young lady." He smiled kindly.

"I will, you too, doctor." She replied, smiling back. Her smile dissipated into a frown when she saw Heero.

"What's wrong, Heero?"

"The doctor just told me to take care of you, Relena…" he said, his voice hoarse with near melancholy.

"And so? What's wrong with that?"

"I was the cause of this. Your overdose, your pain…your despondency…How can I possibly take care of you when I was the root of every burden?"

"But…Heero…have you forgotten how it has changed? If you love me, like you tell me, then stop saying such things…"

"I don't know, Relena…what if I cause more damage? It was nearly irrevocable as it was."

Before she could say anything, he stalked out of the door, unaware of the tears trickling down her face.

_'I thought it was real…but it was taken away the very minute I gave in and believed…'_

----------------

He thought he said those words just a little too loud.

Loud enough for her to be waken up by them.

Her icy cobalt orbs flickered open and it baffled him how her eyes opened so suddenly like that. A normal person's eyes would flutter at least twice before opening entirely.

"Quatre, may I ask…what you are doing?" she asked groggily. She got up, noticing that his hand was pressed snugly against hers.

"I can't let go Dorothy…I can't," he replied in a nearly rundown tone.

"Can't let go of what? I don't understand…" Somehow, she was perplexed, but she had some idea of what he was talking about.

He closed his eyes for a second, and opened them, and with an anxious lick of his lips he said: "Marry me, Dorothy…"

She pulled her hand away, biting her lip, equivocally baffled. Truly the past few days have been exorbitantly poignant.

"You deserve a better life…you deserve to be happy…you should marry a sweet, young blue blood…" she trailed off, unable to bear the pain she was inflicting on both of them.

"But I will be unhappy either way! Would you just stop these, Dorothy…it hurts me, and I only know that is only half of your pain…for you not only feel yours, but mine as well…" 

"Pain has become me…I have been overpowered by pain all throughout my life that it means nothing now…"

_'But I know the pain of separation from you has never overcome me…'_

"You know as well as I do that I'd choose an unhappy life knowing that we can never be, but be satisfied with the awareness of your feelings for me than choose the second unhappiness knowing my life was a total waste but never realizing it until the end…never having the privilege of that great, coveted love…"

"But at what price, Quatre? Our lives are too stable…too successful…to squeeze in anything!"

"I don't care how much…how long I have to wait…"

"Well, I do!"

"But I love you, Dorothy!"

"Sacrifices have to be made."

"What is it that you treasure so much, that you are willing to give up your feelings, your happiness just for it?"

"A hell of a lot of things you don't even understand!"

"Is this what you want? Is this how it feels? To have this overwhelming, gratifying feeling of the knowledge of what you feel about me, and when I begin to believe, it is taken back?" he demanded of her, growing impatient.

She looked away, stood up and straightened her outfit, searching the benches for her purse, and finally spotted it after a few seconds. 

"After I see Relena, I'm taking a flight to Milan...today…for a business meeting…" she replied, picking up her purse. 

"Give it up Dorothy…I beg of you…" he asked of her, pleadingly.

 She turned back to him and stretched her hand. 

"I guess this is goodbye, Quatre."

He gaped at her outstretched hand and turned away, frowning.

"How can you ask me to say goodbye just like that when I just told you I can't let go? I refuse to say goodbye…"

She sadly turned away, picking up her hand bag and not looking back. 

Then, he did and said something she never expected him to do.

He grabbed her by the arm, and turned her around to face him.

"You understand that I am willing to give everything up for you and you can't even give one thing up for me?"

"It's not that, Quatre," she placed her hand on his cheek. "Romafellar is making my sacrifices for me. That's the problem with you, Quatre, you're too sentimental. And I never was."

She let her hand slide away from his face as he let her go.

He stood there, as she started to walk away.

She unzipped her bag and rummaged through the pile of things in it, and her numb fingers finally touched what it was looking for.

She irately brushed the two droplets of tears that streamed from her eyes before she slipped the ring back on her left hand.

_'I said you were my only…but I am promised to someone else…'_

-----------------

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	5. Shadow of a Doubt

_Disclaimer: Kung di sayo eh di, hindi mo gagamitin na walang permiso! (Pero pwedeng hiramin!)_

A/N: The last scene of Chapter IV was altered and added on, check it out!

Ironic

-

Chapter V – Shadow of a Doubt

-

Heero nearly collided with Dorothy as the same time as he departed Relena's hospital room. He could have sworn he heard Dorothy mutter a curse or something of that sort, but somehow he didn't care.

_'I'm going out of my mind.'_

Drowned in his thoughts, and as his eyes wandered around, he spotted Quatre scowling. His face was downcast, and it was lowered down on the ground, and it seemed as if Quatre wanted to sink into it from the way he looked at it. His affable comrade appeared so glum that he did not even bother to look up and offer a friendly smile.

_'Telling the truth is always the right thing to do, no matter how painstaking the truth is…but once everything's been said, what is there to do?'_

Heero mused as he looked down on his colleague wondering if Dorothy did finish telling him the truth or left him with another lie that she deemed would hurt less than the truth.

_'Your lies are as agonizing as the truth, Dorothy.'_

But he had other problems now.

Walking away, without looking back, Heero punched the elevator button and a few seconds later, it opened and he stepped in.

_'I never did learn to dominate my being…I was made to be cold…but the question is, if I keep inflicting pain upon her, then how can I say I love her? If it's not love that I feel in here, what the hell is it then?' he asked himself._

As he turned around, he punched a random number and saw the elevator doors close. He couldn't care less where he ended up.

Tragically for Heero, no one could supply the answer for him – not even himself.

He had to wait and see what lies ahead to find out.

----------------

His head sunk lower to the ground as he carried his head in his hands wondering why fate chose such a difficult situation for him.

_'Sometimes, I would wonder why she had to leave me like that, and then I ask myself, what did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong? What could it possibly be?'_

Sure this meeting was more than a blessing, and he came not only hoping for Relena's good health, but to hope that _she would show up to see Relena as well._

It was no chance meeting…

_'Did she really mean these things or was she laughing the whole time knowing I was helplessly in love with her? If this is true, I know I walked right into her trap, not just once…but twice… wanting to be caught…the stupid imbecile that I was…'_

Or maybe it was just so difficult because fate never meant them to be. It probably was never destined to happen. It was like swimming against a current instead of flowing with it.

He never really did understand what made him love her so…

…What he wanted to know so desperately was if she loved him so as well…

_'Or is there someone else?'_

He felt his chest contract in pain at the thought of this.

----------------

_'I can't bear to face him again…'_

Dorothy entered Relena's room and easily faked a signature smile, but failing to take her mind off of her problems.

She saw that Relena's face was buried in her hands, muffled cries, and sensed a dilemma as she nearly rammed into Heero.

"Relena, what did Heero do now? How inconsiderate of him…"

Relena looked up, and her hands dropped down on the sheets, noticing her hands were as pallid as the white blanket. She smiled faintly from the tears, and then looked down to reply.

"The little thief…he stole my heart and broke it yet again…Fairy tales were never true…all my life I believed someday my prince will come like it is written in story books…but this prince was no prince at all…and I still long for that happy ever after…"

"Relena, you're not a girl anymore…you know better than to live a fantasy," Dorothy replied irately.

"I do not know what to believe anymore."

"I have to be in Milan a couple of hours from now…I hate to leave you…Nicholas will understand if I postpone…"

Relena's eyes widened.

"It was supposed to be today…Oh, I just remembered…how stupid of me…"

"I just wish that you would consent to be my maid-of-honor."

"How can I be your maid-of-honor when I know a cherished friend of mine who loves you dearly and I can't tell him about this? How can I possibly be a maid-of-honor to your marriage to the man you do not love?"

"Dorothy Catalonia cannot give love to any man."

"You love Quatre."

"A man I can't have?"

"A man you can have, but are sacrificing for the sake of politics."

With this statement, Dorothy was short of a reply. Nothing, absolutely nothing could come out from her mouth.

"Dorothy," Relena continued, "I've learned not to let politics interfere with my personal life. I've poured out my sweat and blood for politics, to fulfill everybody's expectations, and Heero has restrained himself from the truth because of politics, and that only paved the way for distress."

Relena opened her mouth to speak. Even in such an indisposed state, she felt loquacious.

"Do not marry Nicholas…you'll be unhappy…I had to put up with this for the longest time, and now, I'm asking you to do this not for your sake, but for Quatre's. His heart is weak enough already. I know now that you should do this for him, and not for you. You make sacrifices easily…your heart is no soft, sentimental heart…"

Dorothy's lip quivered at Relena's words.

_'I could have him…and I have him, but circumstances disapprove of it,' Dorothy thought._

"But…it's too late…there's no turning back now…"

"What do you mean there's no turning back now, Dorothy?" An audible voice asked from behind that was not clearly hers or Relena's.

-----------------

_'Why can't I just live up to her expectations and do what she expects of me? After all, she is asking for just one simple thing!'_

"Why the hell can't I just offer her that then? Why the hell was I acting like such an idiot, walking away, in denial never believing that I actually could do what she wanted of me, only if I gave myself a chance to?"

_'You were always in denial…and you knew it!'_

He broke her heart one too many times.

…but then she would welcome him back with open arms, every single time…

She soiled her dignity and grandeur because she loved him…how could he not meet her halfway?

How could he always succeed saving her life and being her savior but always failed at telling her the straight truth and living up to his emotions?

Now isn't it ironic?

He told himself to realize that she loved him unconditionally and denying himself of her was the real root of the problem.

He referred back to Dorothy's words…

_"…I wanted her to be happy, even if it wasn't you she was with, but her happiness only meant you…"_

He contemplated what made her keep feeling the same way about him, forgiving him all the time…

_'Now I see why I lie to myself saying her happiness is mine, but when I see her with those suitors, I find myself wanting to kill them…_

_…it's because she was never happy with them…all I could see was the façade she so wanted me to see to realize what I really felt…'_

The unfamiliar ring of the elevator doors opening stirred Heero out of his reflection.

His head bobbed up to see the empty, eerie hall in front of him.

He took a deep breath and pressed a button.

He now knew what to do.

-----------------

Dorothy's eyes met a pair of lovely, but very forlorn blue eyes that told her he heard all as she spun around. Quickly, she looked down, avoiding his gaze, rummaging her mind for a reply.

This time, no cool, straightforward lie escaped her dry mouth.

Relena remained frozen in her bed, gripping her blanket.

"…I, it's too late to turn back now," was all that came out from her lips. She could do no better.

"Do you think I'm too weak to take it?" Quatre retorted, flailing his hands and the bouquet he carried, making wild gesticulations in frustration. He had this desperate desire to know what she really was keeping from him.

"I'm ashamed to admit that I'm not going to Milan for a business meeting."

Dorothy's answer raised several questions in Quatre's head. He preferred to ask the one that did matter the most.

"Would you please just try to answer a question honestly? Milan doesn't have to do anything with this matter!" 

"Oh, I assure you, Quatre, it has to do with everything," Relena cut in quietly.

He looked at Dorothy.

"Honestly tell me, what are you doing in Milan?"

She only looked at him.

"You have lied one too many times…why can't you just answer truthfully…just once?"

"I'm marrying Nicholas Cambers," she replied hesitantly.

His eyes became suddenly empty, barren, and he dropped the bouquet of flowers he meant to give to Relena.

A butcher's knife has just been plunged through his already wounded, bruised heart.

"Is he richer than me, Dorothy? Did he offer you a larger diamond ring? Or was it the pre-nuptial agreement you just couldn't refuse?"

"No, no it's not that--…"

"Do you love him?" as much as it pained him to ask, it had to be asked anyway.

"I can't lie to you Quatre—"

"Go ahead and lie Dorothy…but this time I don't want to hear it. He must be the man you sought for so long… remember? The man I tried to be to please you?"

_'But the man I wanted you to be was you,' she wanted to say, choosing to keep her notion in her head where it belonged. _

It was exceedingly difficult, but it had to be done.

It just had to be done.

 "I bid you and Nicholas a happy life..." He took one last, angry look at her, and finished his sentence.

"…together," he muttered dryly, before turning around and walking away.

"I don't love him…"

He stopped in his tracks. He wanted to smile…and turn back…

Smile and turn back…it seemed so easy.

_'…But…'_

Without turning around, he said: "You've used up every chance I was willing to give, Dorothy. As much as it hurts me to walk away, the reason behind my actions is the fact that I can't resist your lies …it kills me to see you knowing that to see you is all I can get…nothing more."

_'But I know that I will never stop feeling the same way I do about her…'_

Quatre stalked away, furious that she dared to accept another man's proposal, but cannot dare to tell him she already has when he offered his whole being to her…

He could remember what he heard from Relena's door that was unnoticeably open.

_"You love Quatre." He heard Relena say._

_"A man I can't have?"_

_"A man you can have, but are sacrificing for the sake of politics."_

_Quatre heard a long, shaky pause._

_"Dorothy," Relena continued, "I've learned not to let politics interfere with my personal life. I've poured out my sweat and blood for politics, to fulfill everybody's expectations, and Heero has restrained himself from the truth because of politics, and that only paved the way for distress."_

_"Do not marry Nicholas…you'll be unhappy…I had to put up with this for the longest time, and now, I'm asking you to do this not for your sake, but for Quatre's. His heart is weak enough already. I know now that you should do this for him, and not for you. You make sacrifices easily…your heart is no soft, sentimental heart," he heard Relena finish._

_"But…it's too late…there's no turning back now…"_

"Dorothy, what am I to do with you?" He murmured quietly to himself, realizing he found his resolve, the resolve he so longed for that diminished all his doubts.

_'...Dark victory...with a price...'_

…but he couldn't help but ask for more than that…

_'It's so true that we do seem to get everything except for what…we really do want…ironic…' he thought sourly, taking a huge intake of air._

--------------

"You just had to end it did you, Dorothy?" Relena asked, looking at her troubled friend.

"I-There was no other way, I was promised to Nicholas, and that promise cannot be broken," she replied, on the verge of tears.

"Does Nicholas love you?"

The question provoked Dorothy and caused her eyes to grow wide open.

"If you must know, the affections of poor Nicholas belong to Natalia, the daughter of the family chauffeur, but his dear mother could not take that."

"Your grandfather no longer lives, and I see no obligation to this marriage now that he is gone and the fact that this marriage will mean nothing but misery."

"His mother still lives."

"…That old wretched woman?"

"Grandfather and Lady Cambers have agreed to this arrangement long ago, just after my father died, Nicholas and I were children and had no idea whatsoever. And you must understand Lady Cambers is a very demanding woman, she cannot take anything except what she wants."

"Dorothy," Relena said, "marriage is for life."

"I know that Nicholas does not love me, and I don't love him, but he will take care of me, and perhaps..."

"Perhaps what, Dorothy?"

Dorothy sighed, picking up the dropped bouquet of flowers, and placed them on her lap.

"Perhaps love will come later…perhaps I will learn to love him," she managed, "someday."

"But what will you do if it never happens? What if Quatre decides to move on and love another woman and you are tied to a man who you never learned to love?"

"I have no control over his affections…I know it's absurd but I know I will never love like I loved him…"

Just as then, Heero burst in the room.

"Heero!" Relena said, nearly bolting up from her bed.

"If it is possible, I am asking you not to startle us like that again," Dorothy remarked, hoping he did not hear what she just said.

"I need to talk to Relena, alone."

Dorothy glared at Heero.

"If anyone needs me, I will be in the restroom, powdering my nose," she darted out of the room in annoyance.

He looked down.

"I'm sorry," he started, embarrassedly.

"I've forgiven and forgotten too many times."

He winced like a shy little boy.

"But how can I not forgive again?"

He looked up, and she saw that there was half a smile etched on his face. He sat on her bedside and held her in his embrace.

"…I'm sorry…I'm sorry," he murmured, "it was wrong of me and I knew what I was doing but I was a fool…a coward."

Relena decided to let the comment in her head slide by. And they just sat there, holding each other and savoring the moment. 

No words were spoken for a moment, and he broke their embrace.

"We should get you out of here. It's too miserable for you," he smiled, rubbing her cheek with his calloused thumb.

"You're right, Heero," she smiled.

Dorothy peered in, smirking, and saw Relena and Heero reconcile.

_'Relena, you were always the girl who had everything,' Dorothy mused as she looked at them._

_ 'You did get the happy ever after you so longed for…' she thought, believing that even though she could not get hers, Relena did. _

Maybe it was enough.

Then, she thought of him.

She tried to convince herself that it was enough…

_'It is…it is.'_

…However, she could not help but ask for more.

-----------------

Have any comments, suggestions, or death threats?

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Send them to me!

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Craziereggie392@aol.com

-----------------

Chapter VI already in the making! Thank you so much to all the reviewers! You compel me to write more, and strive harder every time!


	6. Incongruity

Ironic

-

Chapter VI – Incongruity

-

"Three weeks in Bermuda! Oh, how I envy you, Dorothy, darling," Dorothy rolled her eyes. She thought Lady Cambers could have gone on and on forever. She rolled her eyes at her statement.

It was a bright and sunny Saturday afternoon and Nicholas, Dorothy and Lady Cambers were all sitting in the Cambers' terrace having afternoon tea.

"I'm absolutely sure Bermuda will be wonderful, Lady Cambers. Since you envy us so much, maybe you should come with us?" she replied almost brusquely, but the Lady did not notice the tone in her voice, but Nicholas noticed and reacted by brushing the back of her hand with his thumb affectionately.

"...On your honeymoon, Dorothy darling? I don't intend to intrude."

"Of course you don't --" Her response was cut off by the house maid.

"Lady Cambers, Mrs. Stanpole is wishes to speak to you," a middle-aged maid of about forty-two said.

"Thank you, Stella. I will take the call in the study." Lady Cambers said with a sigh.

Dorothy glared at her back as she left to take her call. She then cast a hopeful look upon Nicholas' face.

"I have a plan...so we're out of this wedding and you can be with Natalia."

His face faltered.

"What do you mean, Dorothy? There is no—..." He began to uncoil and shift in his seat, his face showing signs of hesitation.

"You do want to be with her, don't you?" she asked, looking straight into his eyes.

He avoided eye contact, and pulled away from her gaze.

"Yes, of course I do but what about---"

"Everything is taken care of. Natalia will be on a midnight train to Luxemburg tonight and so will you. I've arranged for to wear the chauffeur's uniform, and since it will be dark, no one will ever notice a thing--"

"What about my mother? ...The wedding?"

"It's all taken care of. You will tell your mother that you wish to take me out to dinner tonight, I've already taken the chauffeur's uniform and placed it on the trunk of the green Porsche. Make sure you take the green Porsche. I've arranged to "wreck" the car I used to drive here, and I'm leaving it in your garage. I'll say that I'll leave it here and take care of it tomorrow. When I'm done dropping you off at the train station, I'll sneak in your garage to return your car and I will leave in mine. I will make sure that no one will know that you have gone...at least not until late morning tomorrow."

"But are you sure you want to do this? It all sounds quite complicated." Nicholas was still a bit hesitant about her plan.

Ignoring his question, she went on. "I have prearranged for money to be wired to you from anywhere you wish. All you've got to do is get on that train."

Nicholas seemed to place more confidence in her plan and nodded in reply.

"All right, Dorothy. I'll do it," he replied after a moment of silence.

"Good, this is the only chance we've got so we might as well take it," she said.

"You still love him...don't you?"

She said nothing, but only looked at him with empty, impassive eyes.

"You promise me that you'll tell him that you still do...promise me, Dorothy."

She laughed hoarsely.

"I'm much too arrogant to ask for his apology. I'm driven to tell the truth and I'm compelled to lie because of reasons that don't really matter. But Nicholas, that's not what matters at the moment. You have to--... "

"I apologize for the interruption. With the wedding drawing nearer and nearer, things are starting to get complicated," Lady Cambers said, interrupting Dorothy.

"I assure you that the wedding will go quite smoothly," she replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

_It will go quite smoothly, indeed, s_he thought, smiling to herself.

---------------

The rain poured out heavily, with the thunder and the lightning racking the whole place. Dorothy unlocked the car doors and paused. She cast her gaze upon Nicholas, and assumed that this will be their final farewell.

"I suppose that this is goodbye, Nicholas," covering his cold hand with hers.

"I suppose so, Dorothy," he replied, biting his lip.

"You look so nervous for a man who will reunite with the woman he loves," Dorothy said. She laughed hoarsely.

"That statement has justified my belief that you are a romantic at heart."

"Aren't we all? ...That subject is not for today, though. You must leave!"

"Dorothy, how did you ever come up with this?" he asked, trying to avoid their parting.

"…I love him still, Nicholas, and I know you love her, and not me…this marriage would have just sparked disaster." she replied quietly, chuckling.

"What will you say to my mother? How will we ever get away with it, Dorothy?" his face turned into a sour expression of worry and unease.

She covered her hand with his, giving it an assuring squeeze.

"Don't worry about it. I simply won't say anything. Now will you please get out of my car and get yourself on that train."

He kissed her hand.

"Thank you, dear Dorothy."

With those words, he let go of her hand and he opened the car door to leave. He walked away from the car and she could see his retreating figure slowly get smaller.

She looked at her left hand, and pulled the engagement ring that did not belong to her off of her finger.

She opened the car door, and ran out of the torrential rain.

"Nicholas! Wait!"

Nicholas looked at her expectantly, and the look of worry was perceptible through his eyes.

Holding the ring between her index finger and thumb, she offered it to him.

"Take it," her request seemed more like a demand.

"I don't want it, Dorothy," he stated blankly.

"What use am I to make of it now? Take it, please," she urged.

"I don't have a use for it either. I won't take it."

"No, Nicholas, I insist. Your heart belongs to her and so should this," she protested, placing the ring on his palm and closing it.

He nodded.

"Thank you, Dorothy, words cannot express the gratitude I owe you, now go to your car before you catch the flu," he replied.

He turned around before she could reply, and she only watched him leave her in vain. She never felt any romantic love for him, but now it felt like she had another cavity drilled in her heart. She has seen this familiar situation over and over again. She would watch in remorse as the men in her life slowly walk away from her, and the reason was always her.

She pushed all of them away.

Not concerned about the rain, she stayed to see Nicholas board the train. She saw him jubilantly reunite with Natalia. He placed a soft, but ardent kiss on her lips, and gave her a gaze that was reserved only for her.

She denied it with her cold demeanor, but in her heart of hearts, she would have given anything and everything to experience the same with _him._

-------------

Quatre shoved his car keys in his pocket, mentally humming a certain violin piece he can never, ever forget.

It was the song she asked him to play for her over and over again.

_You pathetic fool. It's been ages since you played that piece for her...and yet you still think about piece as if you played it yesterday._

"Damn it, Dorothy, I can't go on without you," he muttered quietly. He wondered how he managed to live day by day not having her at his side.

_How do you cope with pain and rejection?_

"I can't cope with it," he admitted to himself. He remembered the time when she was his and his only...how it seemed like it happened been ages ago...

_"Are you really sure you want this? I don't want you to hate me after this..." Although he was drunk in desire, and the aching pain to take her instantly, he was still concerned about what she felt. She was driving him insane with longing and even more as she began to nip at his neck, ignoring what he just said._

_He realized then that he loved her and would wait forever for her if he had to._

_But even he knew that from that point on, there was no turning back._

_It all started at some ball they just both happened to attend. Somehow, they found each other in the dance floor, waltzing to an exquisite piece the orchestra was playing._

_After the war, they've been distant friends because of her gratefulness of what he had done to change her life and because of another cause – Relena. They would see each other occasionally during her speeches, in lavish and boring balls, and of course, trying to get Heero to admit his true feelings._

_...But never have they been this close. The thoughts of affection and feelings for each other were ignored or put aside, and both of them barely had any time to contemplate about love._

_It's almost impossible for people who have been mangled and affected greatly by the war to see the beauty in love because they have been saturated in too much hate and cruelty to recognize it._

_...Until now._

_The music stopped and he had asked her to take a bit of fresh air with him, and he was surprised she didn't refuse his offer. They began to talk about simple things, and then the conversation grew deeper, with her even admitting that she was lonely, and before he knew it, he was already leaning in to kiss her._

_He himself felt lonely._

_Her lips traveled to his cheek and to his lips, hungrily probing her tongue inside his mouth._

_He pulled away uneasily, "are you sure you want this?"_

_She touched her nose with his, "Of course I want this...and I want it to be you." She meant what she said, and she not only wanted him, but she realized she loved him as well._

_...But of course she couldn't tell him that._

_It was impossible for her to love._

_He went through with it, trying his hardest to try to control himself. He felt the fragile barrier breaking, at the time he made contact with it. He didn't want to hurt her, and he was not sure if she was only using him or if she was just so caught up in the moment...But whatever she was feeling, he didn't want to scare her away by telling her he loved her._

_He was frightened that she wasn't ready for that yet._

_Despite the pain she was feeling, she kissed him passionately to try to overshadow the aching inside of her._

_...But he did notice the hurting, and stopped abruptly._

_"What are you doing Quatre?"_

_"I can't be the cause of this pain, Dorothy. As much as I want you so badly, I can't hurt you," he whispered gently, stroking her hair._

_She kissed him._

_"I can't hurt you, Dorothy," he repeated, and without thinking he said, "I love you. I'll wait forever for you if I have to."_

_"You...love me?"_

_A look of horror quickly registered in his face. He thought she couldn't possibly care..._

_"All along I was trying to save myself from shame...I loved you so...but I knew you always thought of me as just a charity case, and then tonight happened so suddenly...and I've wanted for it to happen for so long, that I just had to submit."_

_And with those words, he made love to her._

"I fulfilled my promise, Dorothy. I'll keep on waiting for you even if it takes forever."

He finally reached the doorstep, sighing as he knocked softly on the door.

A few moments later, Pagan attended to the door, greeting him.

"Good afternoon, Pagan, Relena is expecting me," he said, a meek smile forming around the corners of his mouth.

The elder gentleman nodded in reply, and let him in.

"Miss Relena is in the study, Mr. Winner," Pagan said.

"Thank you, Pagan."

Quatre walked briskly to her study, ignoring the other voice that Relena was talking to.

His footsteps became less brusque as he tried to identify that voice.

It seemed too familiar.

That shrill laugh...the eloquent language...

It was just his heart that was trying to protect him...

Was he _imagining _things?

He felt his feet lead him to the room even though his brain told him to stop and try to come up with the name.

The laughing and the talking stopped as he entered the room.

Long blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, milky white skin...

Cornflower blue met azure blue as paths crossed once again.

She was the one who tore her gaze away from him. She had this feeling of wanting to dissipate away.

"Relena, it's getting awfully late, I really must—..."

"Dorothy..." he cried out like an abandoned child.

She ignored his plead for attention and raced to pick her handbag up.

He snapped out of his trance suddenly, telling himself not to let her go.

"...But Dorothy...we must talk about things."

"No, things would be better off if we didn't, Quatre," came her hasty reply to him and she went to look at Relena, "Call me if ever you need anything."

She tried to race to the doorway but he beat her to it, blocking her path.

"No wait," he replied out aloud sternly, "you stay here and discuss this with me."

She stopped in her tracks, turning around to look at him.

"I will be in the...kitchen if," Relena muttered out quietly, not bothering to finish her sentence. She quietly slipped out of the room.

Dorothy didn't even look or notice Relena slip away, because her gaze was so tightly fixed on Quatre. "What is it then? What is it that you want so badly that you have to be rude about it?" she asked, her eyes narrowing.

"Did you really just use me for your own satisfaction...or for sport even? You knew I loved you and yet you led me on, letting me follow you like a lost little puppy!"

"Quatre, you know we have discussed this bef--..."

"Stop beating around the bush, Dorothy...just say yes or no and I'll get out of your life for good," he snapped at her.

She licked her lips nervously feeling goose bumps all around her body. No words could come out of her mouth.

"Quatre that's the problem with you... You tell me you love me despite the fact that I hurt you many times and then you complain about it."

She thought that was rather harsh and selfish of her to say to him.

He was too vulnerable. His eyes softened a bit, feeling hurt, but however, the tone in his voice did not change a bit.

"You said you loved me, but I can't accept the fact that you sacrificed me for some arranged marriage and your position in Romafellar, and I still can't," he replied.

She couldn't bring herself to tell him she gave up Nicholas and relinquished her position in Romafellar.

It was exceedingly difficult, but it just had to be done.

She believed that she had to protect him that way, but she did not know that she was actually causing more damage.

She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off.

"Don't even try to lie...you even said that you loved me but you had to sacrifice me for the sake of politics!"

"No, Relena said I did. I only said that there was no turning back."

"I know you...I know you so well that I refuse to accept these words that are coming out from your mouth!"

He was right. Only he could understand her.

But she knew of a way to convince him he was wrong.

It was going to hurt him.

"You didn't know the real Dorothy, did you, Quatre?"

His eyes grew wide at this.

"Damn it, Dorothy...you said yourself that I was the only one who could understand you and love you in spite of the truth! You even said that I was enough to keep you happy. And now you're marrying some guy just because he is richer than me?"

"It's not that he was richer than--..."

He looked to his side, puffing heavily, "well what is it then?" he nearly screamed, tears almost welling up in his eyes.

She never saw him that distraught before.

"It was the title, Quatre. The Cambers family has a very prominent position in the aristocracy. You must understand that I intend to remain as a part of the nobility. I could never have lived without a title, and I must keep the legacy. It is expected of me to fulfill my duty to my family. Do you think that I would accept just a man who would just offer me his money and -- his preposterous love?"

Her mockery of his undying love to her did it.

...It worked...

Perplexed and dazed, he grabbed her in desperation, clenching his teeth. "Damn it, I could kill you for this, Dorothy."

Dorothy was startled on the inside, but kept the cold demeanor on the outside, and only a smug sneer could come out from her lips.

"Oh Quatre, you must understand that I'm not worth killing. I tried to love you as much as I could love, but regrettably, people like me cannot do such a thing. You have to see reality for what it really is...being the only Catalonia remaining, it was expected of me to marry into a prosperous, noble family. After all, it only was a fling, wasn't it?"

Dorothy just plunged a second knife into his already bruised and bloody heart.

His grip on her softened, and he asked, "Only a fling?"

"Yes of course it just was a fling...we were so young, or did you think it was something more than that? Oh come on, we had our fun, and now we have grown up--..."

"I considered it more – valuable than that, Dorothy. I thought of you as the love of my life, Dorothy...didn't you see from the commitment that I was trying to make by proposing to you? I wanted to love you and only you for the rest of my life."

"Just as Relena said Quatre...we were young...and we do foolish things when we are young. We never did belong to one another...I considered it as a fling and you wanted to marry me...Quatre, what were you thinking?"

"I was thinking through my heart...I loved you...and I still I love you. I told you I never let go and because of that I have to keep holding on to what we had."

She could just melt in his arms with those words.

_I still love you too, Quatre._

She touched his face with her cold hands and eloquently she replied, "oh how adorable you are, Quatre, but next time, find the right girl to confess your love to. Find yourself a sweet young girl who will melt at your words."

...But what she told him was wrong.

He did find himself a girl who would melt in his arms.

He looked away, painfully forcing himself let her go, pain etched all over his face.

Quickly, she reached for her handbag, trying to prevent the tears.

_Please don't look at me, Quatre. Please don't...it's for your own good._

She had to get out.

"I love you and I will never stop loving you, Dorothy, remember that. When another man professes his love to you, remember me and know that no man could love you more than I do. Years from now, when I'm gone, remember me and the love I felt for you. "

_I will not only remember, Quatre, but I will keep on loving you too. I promise._

-----------------

Have any comments, suggestions, or death threats?

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Email them to me!

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**Craziereggie392@aol.com**


	7. Resolve

_I've always been told not to take what's not mine. GW is not mine. However, I was not told not to borrow what's not mine._

Ironic

-

Chapter VII - Resolve

-

Relena looked on the ground in vain and sighed. She overheard their whole conversation in her adjoining office. Without thinking, she burst into the study, where she found Quatre slumped in her settee. She kneeled by his side, taking his hand. "She swore me to secrecy, but I can't let her do this to you anymore." Quatre only sighed in reply. He was not surprised that Dorothy was keeping secrets from him.

"Dorothy never married, or never will marry Nicholas. Like Dorothy, he is in love with someone else. Natalia was the chauffeur's daughter and Nicholas knew that his mother would never permit their romance to continue, especially with his status and his marriage arrangement with Dorothy," she began.

"Why should I care if he loved someone else anyway? She would have married him anyway despite of what they feel about each other," he said, his eyes remaining on the ground. He was lying though and he knew it. He did care. 

He considered marrying someone else just to spite her, but the thought caused him more pain. He would wait for her his whole life even if she found someone else. She was unlike any woman he ever met. She gave him both pleasure and pain at the same time. He was annoyed at himself to admit that he enjoyed it. He allowed himself to be lied to and used as she saw fit. 

"That's not all, Quatre," Relena pointed out.

"Save it, what you're going to say is going to make me stupidly follow her to wherever she's going," he muttered.

"Regardless of the risks, Dorothy arranged to put Nicholas on a midnight train with Natalia," she gave his hand a soft squeeze; "she gave him up."

Looking up for the first time, Quatre opened his mouth to speak. "She gave him up? ...The title, the money, the prestige?" As much as he wanted to believe it, he couldn't. He had given himself so much false hope that he could no longer have an optimistic outlook on anything. 

"Yes, I'm afraid so," Relena said softly. 

"Still, Dorothy is no saint." Quatre was so angry at Dorothy that he refused to believe all of this. 

Relena let his hand go, and stood up. She turned around and faced her back to him. "...And there is something else."

"Tell me," he urged. 

 "She...she secretly--relinquished her position in Romefellar. Romefellar also disbanded a few weeks after her resignation. She intends to remain out of the limelight and live a simple life alone..."

"It all sounds too unreal...I don't see why she did all of this."

Relena chuckled.  "Dorothy has always been a mystery." 

---------------

Relena pulled the covers around her shivering body, after she closed her balcony doors shut. She forced her eyelids shut, but somehow she couldn't help but contemplate about the events that happened that day. She could feel a dark figure creep into the room, but she coerced herself to keep her eyes closed. She felt cold hands on her body and opened her eyes to look at him and opened her mouth to speak.

"How was your day, love?" she whispered audibly as he leaned in to place a chaste kiss on her lips.

"Quite interesting," was his mumbled reply.

She smiled, pulling him down to lay on the bed with her. She rested her head on his chest and entwined her fingers with his. She could stay in that position forever if she only could. But there was a great burden placed upon her. She knew her feelings for the ex-Gundam soldier would be deemed unacceptable.

"Heero, we were so cold – you and I. I can't believe I let it go as far as it did."

"I don't know how I ended up caring for you, especially when you stopped. The thought of you marrying someone else made me go nuts."

She rose up to stare at him. She cupped his face in her hands and traced his features blindly in the moonlight.

"How could you think that?" Relena's fingers separated from Heero's face. She sounded disappointed as she spoke to him. 

Heero quickly pulled her against him, holding her close, touching her with the gentleness he never thought he possessed. He couldn't be more wrong.

"Your attitude towards me changed...you no longer sought to start conversations with me, and I could clearly see that you would be cold with me and friendly towards other people." 

"That was the past. We must learn to live with it now...I didn't mean to...I just...I just..." 

"Shh...I know."

He hushed her stuttering with soothing, gentle shushes. He cupped her face in a way that he felt as if he was touching soft butterfly wings. Her cheeks began to heat up in response to his touch. 

"Heero, I wish I could have told you. It's just that you didn't give me reason to have the courage to show or tell you."

Heero kissed her. He was sorry he led her to believe that she was a fool. He was sorry that she had to lower herself to a cold-hearted killer like him. He knew their love would be disapproved of by society. A symbol of peace like her should have no business with an assassin like him. 

"Being with you...feels like reality. Just one look at you wipes away the rotten memories of blood and death. You make it seem like it was all just a bad dream. You have that kind of effect on me, Relena. It's funny," he said as he smiled bitterly, still holding her close.

"What is?"

"I've survived gunshots, explosion, detonation, and yet you, who cannot shoot a gun have the power to let me fall at your feet with a single touch, it's funny how a soldier like me can be narrowed down to nothing by someone like you...by a so-called dove of peace like you." 

He could see the corners of her mouth tug into a smile through the dark. 

"You should write a song," she whispered before capturing his lips in a kiss.

Soon the kiss grew deeper than they ever intended it to be and Relena surprised by climbing on top of him, shifting her weight on him. Heero's mind told him that this was all going too fast but he was fully engulfed by the feel of her lips on his. He found himself paralyzed, and soon his mind could no longer create coherent thoughts on what was right and what wasn't. All that mattered during that time, that moment, was to hold her, kiss her, and feel her. He had waited too long for this. He had denied himself of her for so long. He could hardly believe that he went by without this, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. He knew that this time he couldn't leave her. He couldn't imagine living his life without her.

After all, she was the one who breathed life into him. 

He cupped her face in his hands as they kissed. He could feel her hands palming his chest underneath his shirt. He was losing control of the situation because to his surprise, his hands ran down from her face down to her neck, shoulders, and back until he reached her thighs. His hands caressed the back of her thighs before moving them up and underneath her nightgown. His hands then roamed up to touch her back and in response to that, her other hand roamed down to the waistband of his pants, her fingers encircling the rim before starting to unbutton it. He caught her hand before she could cause him any more delicious pain. 

Heero managed to muster the strength to pull away from her. He forced her to look at him as their foreheads touched. 

"I don't want you to do anything you'll regret later." 

"I've wanted this for a long time," she whispered breathlessly. 

"Are you sure?"

She caught his lips with hers in response to his question. Heero found himself unable to argue as he kissed her harder than he did before. They came closer to the flame these days and she seemed to want to touch it more than he did. She made it harder for him to restrain himself and now there was no turning back especially now that she made it clear that she wanted it to happen. And it did. She took him to pleasures unknown and heights undiscovered. No other woman could make him feel this way. He made sure that no other woman would be even given a chance. He just hoped that what she felt for him would go far more than gratitude for saving her life or a teenage infatuation that she never recovered from.

Much later, he ran his knuckles on the side of her bare arm, thinking she was already asleep. She had her back towards him and she said no more. He never said sorry when he caused her pain mainly because he was too absorbed by the state of ecstasy she put him through. His fingers ran down her arm and he rested on her stomach, and his fingers began creating a series of lazy swirls by her belly button. 

"I'm in love with you, Relena. I want to spend the rest of my life with you," he whispered, trying to summon up the courage to tell her when she's awake.

Suddenly, she turned, startling him. She wasn't supposed to hear until he had perfected it. 

 "Oh Heero," she whispered as she gave him a pained smile. Her fingers slowly caressed his cheek. He was hurt to see that expression on her face.

"Forget it. You weren't supposed to hear. I knew all along that you can't possibly...and yet I gave myself false hope," he bitterly said as he pried her fingers away from his face.

"No Heero, you misunderstood. I appreciate you saying that and I want to, too, it's just that don't you think it's too soon? We have to let everyone else adjust to the fact that we're together," she argued.

He reached out to entwine his fingers with hers in agreement. 

"As much as I hate to admit this, I envy Duo. You'd think I'm crazy but I'd easily give up my guns for diapers. I want lack of sleep because I stayed up all night trying to get my kid to sleep. I want to experience the joy of creating something worth living for. But I want to share this kind of life with you. It's not happening unless you're in it with me." 

Relena smiled.

"Me too, I'm sick of this life. It might be too farfetched, but I want to taste a simple life."

"Look, you don't have to marry me tomorrow, next month, not even next year, not ever if you find someone else, but consider this a pre-proposal; I'm committing myself to you -- even if you find someone else someday. I'll stand by you for the rest of my life, husband or not." 

"Heero, don't say that. I don't think I can stand being with a man other than you. But yes, I'll marry you," she said through a quivering lip and eyes sparkling with unshed, happy tears before she sealed the proposal with a kiss.

----------------

Dorothy placed a dozen of fresh red roses on the grave of Treize Kushrenada. A breeze blew by, brushing a bit of Dorothy's white dress.

_Treize, you understand why I had to give him up. People died because I practically loved them to death. I had to let him go. I didn't want him to die away like everyone else._

No response answered her plea. The gentle breeze just brushed past her, causing her to shiver a bit.

_Had to let him go?_

The thought of him and the brief bliss they had before just felt like another surge of pain in her heart every time she tried to reminisce. It just made her regret everything she has ever done and said to hurt him. But somehow, her recollections are all she's ever had...And those recollections are the only ones she has left of him. She found her fingers touching the gold bracelet on her right wrist, gazing upon the complexity of its design...

_"You know, there is no other bracelet like that, I had it made it just for you..." he spoke softly, seeing the happiness in her eyes._

_She placed a hand on his cheek fixing her eyes on his azure blue orbs. "You know why I love you, Quatre? It's because in spite of everything, you are still so good to me."_

He was so good to her, and she only let him suffer for it.

"Miss Dorothy? I believe I-I..." a familiar voice called from behind her.

Her body froze, the way he called her seemed as if he did not know her at all. Unsure of what to do, she spun around, and placed a hand over her large sun hat to prevent it from blowing away.

And then she saw him.

Clad in a white polo shirt and khakis, Quatre had his hands both shoved in his pockets. His mouth was twisted politely in half a smile that resembled a young schoolboy. He was in his mid-twenties now, and he still hasn't lost that boyish charm he had when she met him in Relena's school all those years ago.

How she adored him with all of her heart. 

"Quatre Raberba Winner..." His name seemed to linger in her lips.

"Dorothy...I believe I owe you an apology."

She raised an eyebrow. 

"...An apology? If it's one of us here who needs to apologize, it's me."

"Relena told me all about the sacrifices you made. She told me you put him on a train with the woman he really loved on it. She also told me that you secretly relinquished your position in Romefellar, and I hurt you because I believed that you were so selfish, but it was the other way. You gave everything up...the title, the once in a lifetime career, and your family legacy. All of that for nothing."

"It ruined my life. Instead of making it better, it controlled my life for me. Everything had to go."

"I don't under--"

"How did you find me here?"

"I always remembered that every Monday morning you would visit your cousin's grave to bring him his red roses, although you always asked me never to come with you. I know it was rude, but I had to see you again and apologize before I leave."

"You're leaving? Where are you going?" she asked, suddenly frantic.

_Will I ever see you again?_

"I'm leaving for L2 tomorrow. I'm not sure when I'm coming back, if I choose to come back."

_Would you care if I came back?_

"...But why? What will you do there?" she asked him with a dry mouth.

He looked down on the ground and sighed.

"I can't stay here, Dorothy. There is nothing here for me." He stressed on the word nothing.

_But you have me._

"All my life, I desperately tried not to fall in love. I didn't want to, because I've already seen the heartbreak and the sadness all over me... but I meant what I said at the hospital, Quatre. You were my first and my only."

She had no need to say that. He already knew. He felt years younger at the thought of this.

"Someday, Dorothy when I'm gone, will you reserve one day of your week, or one day of your year even just to remember me?"

_I will remember to love you every day of my life, Quatre..._

"You told me to remember you and the love you had for me and I will do that. But you must remember that we can't get everything back, I ruined all the possibilities of our future together. But if you decide to forget hoping for a future with me as you should, I want you to remember one thing. I want you to know that you've made me happy, Quatre...you made my life start again by saving me that night in Libra."

_Love I had for you? Why don't you try have? You've made me happy by saying that I was your only one, Dorothy._

"You're right, Dorothy...what we had is now – unredeemable."

"Yes, there is no reason to dwell in the past anymore. We must move on with our lives, Quatre."

_Stop it, Quatre...you know that you can't keep fighting a battle that you have already lost. You were young and you were stupid. Too stupid._

"I suppose I should go," he replied, his eyes traveling down to the ground, looking at his shoes. He could no longer bear having to end it this way. He was going to foolishly fall at a heap at her feet and beg her for a billionth chance to make her happy if he didn't leave now. 

"I suppose so too..."

...And with that, he turned around, and walked away quietly. He could not bear to say goodbye to her.

Not this way. Not goodbye.

She looked at his retreating back, promising to herself that if ever he turned back and said her name, she would run to him and never let him go again. Still, he kept walking, and walking...and his figure grew smaller into the distance. She was fighting this urge to chase him and ask him for another chance even though she knew she didn't deserve it. 

_There goes the love of my life...walking out of my life forever, and I will never see him again._

But then, he did turn back, and he did call her name.

She ran to him quickly, not caring if she stumbled, and he caught her, holding her tight. He spun her around in a circle, lifting her body up. He will never let go. Never again will he let her go and he swore it. She caressed his face as he lowered her back to the ground again, and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close to her.

"...Why do you have to be so foolish, Dorothy?" he whispered in her hair and repeated, "You're so stupid..."

In reply, she only kissed him, pulling back once in a while to gasp for air or look at his face again.

"I'm so sorry...so sorry for everything! But why do you have to forgive so easily?" she said raggedly between kisses.

"Because Dorothy…every time I try to move on, I think of you," he replied just as breathlessly.

"No...You are the one who is the fool. But that's no longer important to me anymore. You're so good to me Quatre. Sometimes I wonder why I don't feel worthy of deserving it."

He clutched her face in his hands, and looked straight at her eyes like he did before.

"You deserve everything I have to offer because I can't offer it to anyone else. That night when we first danced, I looked at you once and knew that I would devote to you everything I could give. One look made me determined to do that, Dorothy Catalonia."

"But...I was so selfish."

"I knew in my heart that you were exactly what I wanted. Despite of the lies and how much and how you have hurt me so, I still love you."

A frown formed upon her face. She pulled away from him, turning away.

"What will become of us now?" she asked of him, crossing her arms across her chest.

"I don't know Dorothy, I never asked to be your life, I just wanted to be a part of your life somehow," he replied sadly, looking at the heavens for an answer.

The soft wind blew softly between them, causing silence.

"But if you love me now as you say you always have, you'll take my hand and we'll find out together," Quatre said, and thanked the sky for his resolve. He closed his eyes and hoped for a response he'll be happy with.

_You chose now...between the man you love or -- the life you have always hated._

She spun around, and it was evident in her eyes that she did not know what to do. Closing her eyes shut, she entwined her fingers with his, and wrapped her arm around his waist. She knew in her heart that despite everything Quatre would take good care of her. She buried her head against his chest. They stood like that for a moment, and he then kissed her hair.

No words were needed nor said as he stepped back and pulled her downhill into the sunset with him.

Forever was theirs now.

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Have any comments, suggestions, or death threats?

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Email them to me!

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**Craziereggie392@aol.com**


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